Why this book matters
A man checks into a psychiatric crisis center carrying three rocks from his driveway, convinced he's a CIA psychic agent — and that's just the beginning of Jared Bryan Smith's extraordinary memoir of addiction and survival.
Read the full Impact essay →The first time I was checked into the loony bin, I was carrying three rocks. In my deluded mind that July in 2006, they were a moon rock, a space rock and an earth rock, the latter I was certain was also an ancient arrowhead. I’d found them all in my gravel…
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- Narrator (the author)
- An unnamed first-person narrator whose life spirals through drinking, drug use, and grandiose CIA-related delusions; early in the book he is a salesman/recruiter drifting between jobs, relationships, and benders.
- Caroline
- The narrator's girlfriend during his worst psychotic episodes, present for the Ritz-Carlton, Mountain Park, and 'robot' delusions; she initially gets pulled into believing some of his conspiracy theories.
- Gwen Evere
- The narrator's wife/partner, involved with him in pill schemes and hospital cons; their relationship is marked by chaos, fighting, and shared substance abuse.
- Corey
- A close friend and sometime business partner who houses the narrator, gets dragged into his antics, and eventually kicks him out after a betrayal.
- Stewart Black
- An investor/business associate who advances the narrator money and later bluntly calls him a thief, offering one of the few clear-eyed assessments of his behavior.
- Brian Huff
- The narrator's boss at CV Confidential who initially trusts him with major placements but eventually fires him after he disappears on a bender, telling him to go to AA.
- Dan Jones
- The narrator's stepdad, who stayed with his mother through her illness; his post-funeral dating becomes a source of family resentment.
- The narrator's mother
- Introduced as dying of cancer; her illness and eventual death are a major emotional weight on the narrator early in the book.
- Trevor (Complete Abandon (group name))
- A figure connected to early recovery meetings the narrator attends while detoxing and spiraling with paranoid, hell-fixated thoughts.
- David, Lauren, and Trent
- Friends who join the narrator on a chaotic, drug-fueled road trip that ends in a car-window-smashing meltdown.
- Faust
- A drug supplier/friend who fronts the narrator LSD, involved in one of his hallucination-heavy escapades in Alpharetta.
- Mooney
- A friend who enthusiastically buys into the narrator's grandiose delusions and business schemes during a wild hotel stay.
Glossary
- The Big Book
- The foundational text of Alcoholics Anonymous, quoted directly in the book for its 'Ninth Step Promises' about the rewards of sobriety.
- Ninth Step / Fifth Step
- Steps in the AA Twelve-Step program; the Fifth Step involves confessing one's wrongs, referenced as a turning point in the narrator's recovery.
- The rooms
- AA slang for meetings and the recovery community itself.
- Sponsor
- An AA term (implied throughout) for a mentor figure who guides a newcomer through the Twelve Steps.
- Narc
- Slang for an informant to police; being labeled a 'narc' as a teen isolates the narrator from his old drug-using friends.
- Gwen Evere script/package
- The narrator's invented term for a con routine used to manipulate hospital staff into prescribing opioids like Dilaudid or morphine.
- Consumers
- A clinical term for psychiatric patients that the delusional narrator misreads as sinister proof of a conspiracy.
- Debriefed / debriefing
- Military/intelligence jargon the narrator delusionally believes applies to his own hospitalization, imagining he's being interrogated by secret agents.
- Family
- Ironic term used for the loose network of fellow addicts and hippie-adjacent acquaintances in Little Five Points who enable the narrator's drug use.
- Bender
- A prolonged period of continuous heavy drinking or drug use, used throughout to describe the narrator's relapses.
Table of contents
- Moon Rocks in the Loony BinFree
- The Long Road ThereFree
- Childhood with My FatherFree
- Obsessing About SexFree
- First ArrestFree
- Roswell's FinestFree
- Independence High and Felix the CatFree
- Road Trip, the Dead, and Billy ClubsFree
- New Orleans and Computer CityFree
- OmensFree
- Not a Good Business PlanFree
- Roswell's Finest Yet AgainFree
- Mom's FuneralFree
- Fired AgainFree
- Ordered to ChattanoogaFree
- Family Plots and CIA BanjeeFree
- Taking a StandFree
- Working the StepsFree
- The Third Step PrayerFree
- Epilogue: Living Amends to my MomFree
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